Crank Defibrillates Your Face

New York, Tokyo, Bangkok, Phnom Penh, and Siem Reap in one week (see the trip). Man, I was a vegetable. And that’s what I blame for the moment of weakness that had me sit down and watch a little 2006 movie called Crank one weary night.

Let’s get something out of the way straight away: Crank is moronic. Could a Jason Statham film about a guy given a “high tech Chinese cocktail” that will stop his heart if he doesn’t keep the adrenaline pumping be anything else? (I mean, why not just put a bullet in the guy’s head?)

It’s all guns and explosions and running around in a hospital robe screaming, with nary a plot in sight. It’s boxing matches with a guy who just had his hand severed by an axe. Mindless testosterone pours from every orifice.

But, unfortunately, that’s also what makes it awesome. There’s no pretense, no complex hero backstory, no international intrigue, no damsel in distress. And the visuals have a hyperkinetic cleverness typically reserved for the best music videos. (The bit that conveys a ridiculous crash by showing only shots of the road is worth the price of admission alone.) I haven’t laughed so hard at full velocity senseless violence since Evil Dead 2.

Crank, then, is a special kind of stupid and, well, a special kind of genius, too. Can’t wait to hear more from creators Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor.

Watch the trailer and find more Crank at Wikipedia.

3 Responses to “Crank Defibrillates Your Face”


  1. 1 David Simon

    Hey, welcome back.

    Now, on a scale from Star Wars to Kung Pow, where precisely would you put the stupidity level of Crank? I didn’t see it in theaters because it looked, as you say, really moronic. However, I did hear from a number of people since that it has its interesting points. If the overall movie is below my personal head-exploding threshold, it might be worth watching anyways. Even if just so I can pretend I’m Crow T. Robot.

  2. 2 Jason

    Thanks, David. Trip was awesome! (I’ll write about it once things settle down a bit.)

    You seriously have to suspend disbelief to watch Crank but, if you can do that, you’ll likely find the level of ludicrous things the guy goes through pretty entertaining. There’s a good deal of clever eye candy, too. Honestly, it’s as close as a film I’ve seen has gotten to representing the sheer chaotic glee of GTA. If you’re in the right state of mind, it’s good fun. Still, Crow T. Robot & Co. would have a field day with it no doubt. :-)

  3. 3 Peter

    Crank,
    well I also thought it was a bit of twat. But it was ok. The bit though I really loved was the end. Absolutely brilliant… had me slapping the arm of my chair and laughing like a manic. The only other film I was this crazed about was Deathproof. The incredible footage of a guy falling to his death, wind whistling around, and the ground rushing up, and hes calmly talking on his phone saying good bye to his girlfriend. Brilliant, so macho. That moment had everything Transporter had. And if you watch the extras they actually did the last bit of the drop for real with a massive crane and a Sfx machine that drops someone on wires at huge speeds. Mad.

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